{homesickness & stress woes}

there's no place like home...

I'm going to continue to keep it real here.  This weekend was a whirlwind of activity. Moving, unpacking, visiting family, shopping, etc. 98% of it was fun & exciting.  But sometime on Saturday, when I was still running around with my mom, I started to get the same dreaded feeling I feel every September.

Homesickness.

When my mom & I were driving to NYC last week, we had a conversation about why I get so homesick...& why {it seems to me} that I get it greater than other people at college. 

I was raised in a comfortable, nurturing, and loving environment.  & although I wanted--& still want--to go away to college & move across the country & start my own life, there was nothing at home that I needed to get away from.  In other words, some kids that I've met in college needed to get away from home because of family problems or a tough living situation.  Moving away was a release from all of that for them.

I didn't need that release. I didn't need to escape from a tough home or an unsupportive family. I just wanted something different & something that was mine. 

My home was like a protective bubble with my family & friends & everyone I knew. Yes, there were problems, yes there were challenges & fights. But it was a comfortable bubble.  So when I moved to Boston my freshman year, I was hit with withdrawal from that bubble. I wasn't homesick from my home, per se. But more...homesick from Dylan, because I'd never lived without her. I was homesick from my mom, because she's the person I talk to the {second} most. I was homesick from my high school friends, because I'd never been at a school where I didn't know anyone.

I feel homesick every September for the first week or so, & then it slowly disappears. & even though I know it's going to go away...it still overtakes me completely. I.hate.it.  I'm also a crier, so I've cried a bunch this week. So on top of general first week nerves...this week has been pretty stressful.

I was talking to my bff Isha last night, & she said a few things that made me feel better. 1.) She's feeling the same way. Maybe not as homesick, but she's just as stressed as I am. I was relieved to hear this...because I felt like I was the only one!  & 2.)  She said part of her stress was stemming from the fact that she was craving routine & normalcy the first week. But she's living with a new roommate, in a new dorm, with new people. So it's fact: it's going to take some time getting used to everything.

This is exactly what I've been feeling. I'm desperate to feel comfortable & used to my new apartment & all that comes with it. I have to learn to be patient...because it's going to happen within the month. Maybe not on my timetable, but it'll happen before I know it. I'm going to create my own "bubble."

Part of me feels silly & guilty for feeling so homesick & spazzy this week, because for god's sakes I'm a senior. I've been through this four times already--why am I still feeling this way?  But another part of me is just rolling with it. After being apart from Dylan all of last year, I was with her nonstop for five months. I'm not used to that. & this summer was an emotional roller-coaster.  My emotions are still all over the place.

This has turned into a rambly post, but I felt I needed to write it. Partly for me, because I need to do something with all of my thoughts. But also because not many college kids speak up when they feel this way.

The bottom line is this: It's normal to be homesick. It's okay to be homesick. & it goes away.
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I'll be back tomorrow with a post about my classes :)