{sisterly love}

Yesterday, my sister proved, yet again, how much she rocks. Twice.

She called, & before I could even open my mouth & say hello, she asked, "Liv? What are you doing?"

Me: "Watching tv...why?"

Sister: (sighing in relief) "Oh, okay. Good." She paused for a beat. "It's just...I saw that your college just called the house, but I didn't answer in time. They didn't leave a message, and I worried...Just wanted to make sure you're okay."

Me: "Well, actually....I'm watching tv in my hospital room, so..."

Silence.

Sister: "No you're not. That's not funny." Then she hung up ;)

Still...she called.
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After I wrote yesterday's post, I cried.

Sobbed, actually. Big, heaving sobs. The kind that made me use paper towels--not tissues--to soak up the tears. And the kind that made me laugh when I looked in the mirror...because my eyes were puffy & red & I looked so ridiculous I couldn't help but laugh.

And then I called my sister & hiccuped my way through explaining why I was crying.

Here's when you know you have a good sister:

I texted her: you awake?

Sister: going to bed.

Me: can i call?

I didn't wait for her response, but instead just hit her speed dial. She answered & immediately sensed the tears. "What's wrong?" she asked in slight panic. "Why are you crying?"

I explained & she listened. At 12:13 in the morning, seconds from going to sleep, she listened to me cry happy tears about being okay with celiac. She didn't tell me I was crazy, or weird, or make me feel embarrassed. She has celiac too, so she gets it. But even if she didn't have celiac, she'd get it.

And that's what makes her the best.

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Wishful Wednesday will be up in a bit :)

{and after these last two posts, I'm putting sappy Liv back in the drawer for a while. you're welcome.}

{on celiac disease}

{I've had a post written for two weeks that I keep bumping from day to day. It was supposed to finally get posted today, but I'm bumping it yet again. Because I think I've finally had a breakthrough.}

I have 100% completely, totally, come-to-terms-with & accepted having Celiac Disease. Not only that, but I feel good about it. Happy. I'm no longer sad or annoyed about it.

I realized this when someone asked me the good ol' question of: "If I could grant three wishes for you--right here, right now--what would you wish for?"

Three years ago, I would have used ALL THREE wishes on not having Celiac anymore. And you know what?

Now?

Not having Celiac is at the way bottom of my list.

That's all for today.

:)

{miley cyrus & going gluten free}

{source}

This morning I read online that Miley Cyrus came forward on Twitter & announced that her weight loss was the effect of going gluten-free. She said that she has a gluten & lactose allergy & unlike what some reports have said, is not anorexic. Her weight loss stems from her gluten-free diet.

Here's the article: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20585690,00.html

After reading this, I immediately sympathized with her, because let's face it: a gluten-free diet isn't fun. She even posted a picture of herself holding a fast food bag, but smelling it & not eating it.

{Full disclosure: I've done that before.}

However, since then, I've read numerous comments on blogs, Tumblr, and Yahoo from people who have decided to go gluten free because of Miley. One girl even wrote that her goal was to lose 25 POUNDS this WEEK. Not only is that basically impossible, but it's also completely & utterly unhealthy. She said her goal weight was 98 pounds!! :(  That makes me so sad.

One of the biggest myths of the gluten-free diet is that it's a safe weight-loss diet. It's NOT. A gluten-free diet is only safe & healthy for people with Celiac Disease, a gluten intolerance, or a gluten allergy {yes...there is a difference!}

Since going completely gluten-free, I've had other medical problems arise. Sure, the food I'm eating is no longer harmful to my body, but the food I eat is also missing key nutrients & vitamins that I need. To make up for those, I have to take a multivitamins, Calcium, & Vitamin D every day, & I also have a thyroid problem now.  People with Celiac also have a greater risk of osteoporosis, so I had to have a bone density scan to check the strength of my bones.

My Celiac diet eliminates gluten from my system, but it also eliminates a lot of other things.

I immediately tweeted Miley & asked her to remind her followers that a gluten-free diet is only safe for people with Celiac, a gluten intolerance, or gluten allergy...NOT a healthy way to lose weight. She's at a position where she can really make a difference in the gluten-free community & hopefully she uses her celebrity status to promote healthy eating.  Millions of girls look up to Miley & I hope she uses her leadership as a way to advocate a healthy body image.

{stream of consciousness.}

I didn't know what to blog about today. Lot's of things going on in my head, so I'm just going to write down random things.

My sister posted on Facebook that in exactly one month we will be reunited. Sounds dramatic, but for reals.....I miss the girl.  Not ashamed to say it.

Last night, I listened to recordings of my sister & I singing. NOT because I'm obsessed with myself, but because I miss it. This is the longest I've gone without singing...& really singing....& it's making me ache.  I've also been without a piano for far too long.  But in a few days, I'll be home with a piano & a microphone :)

This morning I threw on a headband as I was running out the door. When I came back to my room after class, I looked in the mirror & gasped.  It looked ridiculous. Lol.

I want to go to the movies tonight, but the twi-hards scare me. I don't want to be caught in the swarms of people waiting for the midnight showing.

I have my celiac pain today & it's really bothering me. Not to mention, utterly annoying.  It's hard to sit in class when it feels like a knife is being jabbed through my ribs. I've been very careful the past few days, so I have no idea where I ate/consumed gluten.  :(

That lens I've had my eye on?  Well, I have a photoshoot next weekend for a family, & I'm tempted to buy the lens for it. Yes? No?

I'm wearing one of my favorite outfits today. I've noticed that I've been wearing it a lot lately, & I hope my classmates haven't noticed. Lol. {it's always clean though!}  It's just a sweater, skinny jeans, & brown boots, but it's comfy & a bit fashionable, so I seem to always wear it.

I got a box of gluten-free food in the mail yesterday, which included cinnamon buns. I was ridiculously excited about it's arrival.

That's all for today. Happy Thursday!

{the verdict.}

After missing the first week of the semester for a capsule endoscopy, an upper endoscopy, & a colonoscopy:

I am a Celiac patient who's body is resistant to a gluten free diet.

I could think of a million things to say about how this makes me feel, but the one thing I've been feeling lately is anger.

I am so mad.

When I was diagnosed, I was told a gluten free diet was the only way to "cure" Celiac. Right now, I am struggling to accept the fact that the one thing that is supposed to make me better, is making me more sick. I am so angry about it.

I am angry that I have to deal with meal planning & weekly grocery budgets in college. Isn't this stuff supposed to come after college?

I am angry that I have to have bi-weekly weigh-ins to make sure I'm maintaing my weight.

I am angry that I have to base my travel plans around Celiac.

But mostly, I am angry that Celiac has made me an angry person. It is making me resent my new life, and I resent that it is. I thought I was over this. I thought I had come to a good place with this. I am sick of complaining about it. I feel awful complaining about it. I am sure my friends are sick of hearing about it.

I'm sure this blog is sick of hearing about it! ;)

Tomorrow I am going to go grocery shopping. Get started on some of my meals for the week. Bake cookies. Try to write some songs.

Tomorrow is a new day.

{my medical dramas & the c word.}

My body likes to keep things exciting. You know, since it gets bored with being so healthy.

::insert sigh here::

After being diagnosed with celiac, and going on a gluten-free diet, I immediately felt better. I had my energy back, and gained some of the weight I lost back, and I looked and felt healthier. I no longer felt pain everyday....until last summer.

Slowly, the pain started resurfacing. I ignored it in the beginning, thinking it was probably caused from eating at a gluten contaminated restaurant. However, the pain began getting stronger and coming more often. This past September, when I started my sophomore year, I decided to cook lunch and dinner and only eat in the dinning hall for breakfast. I had separate pots and pans, and shopped at Whole Foods.

In October, I had my celiac levels checked and they were high. Not good.

The pain continued and in November I had my levels checked again. They were the same. By December, my levels had risen yet again. On a strict gluten free diet, there is no reason for this. This means that somehow gluten is getting into my system. I also began losing weight and lost fifteen pounds in about eight days.

It was like two years ago all over again. In the beginning of January, my tests we so bad the next diagnosis they considered was lymphoma.

The word cancer hit me hard. The week of testing I went through was the worst week of my life. I had an upper endoscopy, a capsule endoscopy, an MRI, and a colonoscopy all within eight days. Needless to say, I've had better weeks. Thankfully THANKFULLY I do not have cancer. I'll explain the verdict in the next post.

{celiac & college.}

*Just FYI before I start...I did not know I had Celiac disease before I applied for colleges. Unfortunately.*

Okay. So college and celiac disease don't mix. I learned this the hard way. No one else has it at my school, so obviously the dining hall isn't going to prepare a gluten-free meal for me breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This makes it tough.

My dining hall is set up in different stations: pizza, sandwiches, salads, grill, etc. (notice 2 of those 4 are automatically poisonous for me?) They always make grilled chicken, which SAVES me, but I get sick of it. But how could I not? I eat it all the time. Sometimes, if I'm lucky, they will have turkey, or roast beef. But seriously, this school is carbohydrate-obscessed. Most lunches and dinners are pasta. Imagine my frustration.

Breakfast is always fine. Everyday I get scrambled eggs or an omelete. Pair that with fruit or a yogurt and I'm golden. It's lunch and dinner that is the issue.

Luckily, there is a Who.le Fo.ods within walking distance. I am able to stock up on biscuits, pretzels, soy crisps, and other GF goodies every Saturday. However, my meal plan is already paid for at school, and the extra bill from Who.le Fo.ods isn't ideal. So after a few meetings with the dining hall manager, they ordered some GF pasta and cookies for me. This was great news. The only downside is the planning. Having celiac disease, you must always plan ahead. I have to call them 25 minutes prior to wanting pasta. I know I shouldn't be complaining, because it is really not a big deal. But it's just another frustrating reminder of how different my life is now.

::sigh::

I must point out, though, the one silver lining in all of this: If I were not gluten-free, by now I would have gained the "freshman FOURTY". I mean HELLO?! Belgian walffles, cupcakes, french toast, hamburgers galore, fries....oh my.

{random notes.}

I will soon do a post solely on the topic of eating gluten-free in college because, believe me, it'll be a long one. But since returning for my second semester, I have started a few habits worth writing about.

For one, I have started keeping a food journal. The main reason is just in case I have my "Celiac" pain, I can look back and try to figure out what caused it. There are many additional benefits, however. This lets me physically see what I have eaten. I wouldn't say I'm an emotional eater, but if I have a bad or lazy day, I eat more. The journal has made me very conscientious of what I put in my mouth.

Secondly, I have stopped drinking soda. I have not had one sip in two weeks, and let me tell you- it makes a huge difference. I feel healthier and most significantly, my skin looks amazing. I have had my battles with my skin over the years, and I cannot believe what the absence of soda has done. In place of soda, I have added more water...the best thing I can drink!

And finally, I have added much more fruit and vegetables. I have a least one banana a day, eat berries all the time, and eat melons to mix it up. Although the berries are a bit pricey (thanks a bunch Who.le Fo.ods!), the fruit fills me up and decreases my craving for junk food. Because I have added so much fruit, I have not eaten one bag of chips in two weeks! Mom, you should be proud...I finally listened.

Overall, I feel much healthier. My body is a normal, healthy weight and I look so much better. I feel good about myself. If only I could get on a treadmill!

More to come...